Feeling the rain

Why sometimes solo travel sucks!

Do you know the feeling, when you wake up in the morning and actually nothing is wrong, but somehow you have this strange feeling in your guts and nothing feels right at all? And then you look out the window and it’s raining???!!!

That’s how I felt this morning!

I am in beautiful Mexico and I am traveling since 15 month now. I get the chance to see so many great places every day and meet so many beautiful souls along my way, but nevertheless I feel a bit sad and lonely right now.

When people get to know that I am traveling for such a long time already and not planning on stopping soon, they usually react with astonishment, they envy me for what I chose to do. I chose to take care of myself, nothing wrong with that. For some it might seem selfish, but for me it is creating my own happiness, living the freedom!

But you know what … it’s not always fun! As a solo traveler you also ‚pay‘ the price for your freedom.

People have the idea that the big adventure is all about having fun and yeah partly it’s true, I have loads of fun, but there are also times, where it simply sucks and I need to deal with all kinds of emotions, most of them not pleasant ones!

Why does it suck to travel solo ?

For me there are a view reasons why it sucks and here they come.

1. I can’t share things I experience, which I feel, with the people I love most !

I will give you a couple of examples. 

As I was in Sapa – Vietnam, I stayed at a homestay .. one of the most beautiful parts of Vietnam.. being surrounded by rice fields and mountains, somewhere what seemed like the end of the world. I got up for sunrise … listening to my favorite quiet tunes .. being right there in the moment. The first sun rays creeped out from behind the mountains and hit my skin .. it felt warm and comfy! I was immediately flashed by it!

It was one of the most intense moments of the past 15 month and I felt the need to have people I love around me! But nobody was there and I felt sad and lonely! I missed my twin sister, I missed my parents, I missed my grannies (may they be happy in heaven), I missed my dear friends and started to cry and I couldn’t stop at all for several minutes, was shaking! Maybe that’s a women thing, maybe not. I don’t know if men experience something similar!? (let me know please).

Another time as I was in Sulawesi, I was at a mountain top overlooking a lake, feeling the strong wind. A local guy took me there, Luiz one of the sweetest persons I met in Sulawesi. There were only the two of us, nobody else around. I knew Luiz since a day by then … I was so smitten by what mother nature gave me there and then .. I felt eternal freedom, joy, happiness and sadness at the same time! It can be so overwhelming to have this all in once ….wow! I said to Luiz.. I feel like screaming … and he said: go for it! So I did, I screamed and tears were slowly running down my cheeks… You get it… happiness and sadness at the same time!

And again I was left there alone with my feelings! Nobody I could hug and feel in peace with!

But there are more reasons why traveling solo sometimes sucks!

2. I hate good byes, I hate letting go

By now you know already, that I am quite an emotional person. I don’t appear to be one, but deep inside of me, I am. Not everybody gets to see this side of me, especially not people who I spend only a couple of hours with! But people I start to connect with and who make the effort of getting to know me, will figure it out quite quickly!

This emotional side of me breaks out whenever it feels like breaking out and sometimes I can’t and I don’t want to control it. I need to let go of all of it! It’s almost like a ticking bomb which explodes soon, if I can’t release the pressure I am feeling.

That might be a scream of joy and happiness or tears full of pain and sadness!

I am a social person and I don’t struggle to meet people. But only with some of them I connect deeper by having intense conversations, sharing parts of my life and sharing my feelings. And then there comes the time again to say good bye. Every long-term traveler knows what I am talking about. You get along well, you connect, you have fun and then out of a sudden, everybody goes their own way (and that’s ok too)… and there you are again, all alone by yourself. It hurts to let go of people I like, people I connect with, people I even like a little more than just like. That sucks big time and I hate letting go!

Do I /  Do we need to let go??? hmm another, philosophical question … I can’t answer!

Getting attached to someone while long-term traveling is nearly impossible! I have read of cases where that happened and I am happy for them! It didn’t happen to me yet .. I am still enjoying my being single-freedom :)

But how to deal with all the emotions???

3. Dealing with emotions all by yourself

Everybody is different, I can only tell you, how I do it.

To be honest .. sometimes I just push them away! But more often as I mentioned above already, I need to let them come out of my cage or I gonna explode inside.

Happiness is easy. I feel good, people see it, people feel it and everybody is ok.

But loneliness and sadness are the ones who are tough to deal with! I am single, so no partner next to me, who can offer a shoulder to cry on. My twin sister who is usually my rock, is far away in a different time zone and can’t help either because she is sound asleep.

Then a day like today helps, bad weather, bad mood and reason enough to stay in bed and giving in to what you feel..Today I didn’t stay in bed though, instead I went for a walk in the rain. It felt good even though I felt sad somehow … I felt every single rain drop on my skin and nobody could see the tears on my face .. a quiet relief, at least a little bit for now.

I know that I will be ok again .. it’s always like that. After a rainy day the sun will be back eventually and I will feel better!

In some cases a workout or one or two beers help as well to feel better again :)

4. Even though traveling solo sucks sometimes – it’s still great!

When traveling alone, I have a lot of time to think about life, my life, my personality, what I would like to change, my goals, my wishes, my dreams, my feelings. I have the time to stop intentionally and soak it all in, take it as it comes and deal with it there and then!

Sometimes I come up with questions, I can’t answer … just yet! But life carries on and is full of surprises every single day and that’s exciting. I am still curious and yes I am sad sometimes, but I will be happy again soon enough, because something great is just waiting around the next corner.

Life, especially traveling teaches me lessons and lets me grow, lets me feel free, alive and lets me discover new sides of me! I feel myself more than I ever did!

5. Be grateful even though solo traveling can suck!

I am grateful for what I am allowed to do .. stepping out of my comfort zone! I am grateful for my family and friends who always support me no matter what! I am grateful for all the amazing, interesting people I meet, who leave footprints on my heart! I am grateful for all the opportunities on my way!

And even though I feel lonely every now and then and it sucks ..I am still grateful, because it helps to know, there are people out there, who will always love me and be there for me no matter where they are!

I know this is a bit of a sensitive and very personal topic, but…I would like to know:

How do you deal with emotions while traveling?

 

What are your reasons why traveling alone sucks sometimes?

 

What did traveling teach you?

And as always … I wish you all the happiness in the world!

with love

Your Tooth Fairy

Posted on 30/10/2016 in Blog, Magical Moments

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Responses (14)
  1. Val
    30/10/2016 at 19:06 · Reply

    Hello there Sweet Winnie :)

    I know that you know this and will do this but want to remind you that we all sometimes feel this way (even at home with friends and loved ones surrounding us) so we take time to hide away, veg out, and then pick ourselves back up.Sometimes to beat the blues you have to allow yourself to embrace them — but only for a time.

    Many years ago I was in Paris alone and it was wonderful ..until the morning I woke up and missed my then boyfriend so much that I started fixating on how to contact him by Satelite phone, how I could get him to fly thousands of miles to join me .. or how to just simply go home. He was working on an oil rig in the middle of the ocean somewhere so of course it wasn’t possible.I ended up spending the day in my hotel, had room service, wrote down how I felt in my “travel journal”. Sorting through photos I had taken during my travels (In those days we printed them, nothing digital like today ><) but it helped lift my mood and as the sun set I ventured out and had the most amazing evening – taking in Les Miserables at the Moulin Rouge. What a show, what a city <3

    I know you will be fine, writing out your thoughts like this post of yours and sharing it with all your friends worldwide is a start. Tomorrow you will be singing again :)

    Love and Miss you sweets. xx

    • winnfried
      30/10/2016 at 19:39 · Reply

      My dear Val :) it’s so lovely to read your story! thanks for sharing it with me!hugs and kisses to you Winnie

  2. Jürgen Kaiser
    30/10/2016 at 21:02 · Reply

    Hallo Winnie !
    Wie schön mal wieder von Dir zu lesen. Um gleich die Stimmung etwas aufzumöbeln: Sei vorsichtig mit dem “Habanero” -kennst Du den zweiten Namen dieses Chillies? ” Aunt Loretta`s leagal Lipremover” Wäre ja schade drum. Zu Deinen Fragen : Der von Dir beschriebene blues ist Männern (vorallem mir) bestens bekannt. Männer sind nur meist nicht mutig genug es zuzugeben- auch sich selbst gegenüber nicht. Das öffnet psychosomatischen Erkrankungen Tür + Tor . Diese Gefühle sind normal und meines Erachtens auch notwendig um euphorische + hypomanische Phasen genießen zu können. Ähnlich wie man einen Traumsommer + Hitze nur genießen kann wen man ausreichend unter Winternieselregen gelitten hat.Haben wir hier gerade reichlich- wie tröstlich. Warum im Urlaub ? Ich glaube auch eine so lange Reise wie Deine ist eine besondere Art von komprimierter Zeit- im positiven,im negativen, im Erfahren gänzlich neuer Gefühle und so weiter. Mir kamen in diesem Sinne 8 Wochen Mindanao schon recht lang vor. Ich bewundere wie
    man Zeiten über 1 Jahr überhaupt aushalten kann, speziell wenn man alleine reist. ich glaube ein solcher permanenter Strom neuer Eindrücke würde mich überfordern- Ich schätze eher etwas kleinere Häppchen Abenteuer. Im Frühjahr werde ich evtl mit einem Bekannten nach Jordanien zu Ausgrabungen fahren um dort Steinmetzen Schmieden ihrer Werkzeuge beizubringen. German Doctores stehen zZ nicht auf dem Plan auch wenn sie etwas gequengelt haben ich sollte de Langzeitdoktor auf Mindanao spielen – mach ich aber nicht.
    Liebe Winnie – las es Dir gut gehen, war ne schöne Zeit mit Dir als Langnase
    Fühl Dich gedrückt
    Jürgen

    • winnfried
      30/10/2016 at 22:12 · Reply

      Ganz lieben Dank lieber Jürgen für deine lieben Worte ! :)

  3. Naz
    31/10/2016 at 11:59 · Reply

    My dear moonbeam! I just wanted to hug you as I read your words, consider every word I type here a hug! You know I think sometimes all of us ‘ we are alone – together’ – does that make sense? It’s because we are not always close to the one’s we love or true friends who truly understand us. In a weird way when we realize our friends in far off places also feel the same – there’s a sort of comfort in that connection – that thought that someone always misses us. I miss you everyday! Big hugs and kisses!!

    • winnfried
      31/10/2016 at 16:58 · Reply

      My dear sunshine :) I could feel every single hug :) thanks for being with me. I am soooo grateful to consider you one of my best friends who stay forever! <3 xo

  4. Meli
    31/10/2016 at 16:18 · Reply

    My dear friend,
    This silly keyboard here only knows English…so that’s why you’ll get that for everyone to read;)!
    The answer is yes, I do know what it feels like to be lonely, but you never truly are….and if you close your eyes you know what I mean…there are so many people out here in this world you are traveling, thinking of you and being exceptionally proud of you!!!! One of them is me!!!:)
    I am generally a very content person, you know that, the typical “glass is half full” – type….and I will say it’s better to feel lonely when you actually are, rather than having loads of people around you and still feeling that way. But I will also admit that I do believe in the words “happiness is only true when shared”….so keep on going tooth fairy and share your happiness, there can never be enough of that in the world!!! xx

    • winnfried
      31/10/2016 at 16:57 · Reply

      My dear Mel :) thanks for your lovely words … you are one very special friend to me and you know it :) and I am very grateful to have you in my life <#

  5. MW
    01/11/2016 at 16:25 · Reply

    Beautiful Tooth Fairy, that’s because we wrongly identify with our emotions. Instead watch them come and go without reacting to them. Key is to detach and not identify with our many super impositions on the Self. Key is to simply observe and discover all that is happening within us and to realize we are not our intellect, not our mind, not our emotions, not our ego. And then we find ourselves on the most fascinating and intriguing journey……one of my favorite lines, that perhaps with all your traveling you can now identify as well with:


    Journey Home

    The time that my journey takes is long and the way of it long.

    I came out on the chariot of the first gleam of light, and pursued my
    voyage through the wildernesses of worlds leaving my track on many a star and planet.

    It is the most distant course that comes nearest to thyself,
    and that training is the most intricate which leads to the utter simplicity of a tune.

    The traveler has to knock at every alien door to come to his own,
    and one has to wander through all the outer worlds to reach the innermost shrine at the end.

    My eyes strayed far and wide before I shut them and said `Here art thou!’

    The question and the cry `Oh, where?’ melt into tears of a thousand
    streams and deluge the world with the flood of the assurance `I am!’

    – Tagore

    Wish you a continuous blessed travels ahead!

    • winnfried
      02/11/2016 at 17:58 · Reply

      Dear Monja, thx for your lovely words :) it is a long way to totally understand oneself! but I am working on it sometimes with more sometimes with less success. stay always happy Monja Your truly Winnie

  6. Elbsonne)
    02/11/2016 at 12:32 · Reply

    Hey Winnie,

    das erste Jahr in der grossen weiten Welt war auch fuer mich manchesmal aetzend, allerdings waren das kurze und vorbeiziehende Momente aehnlich wie auch zu Hause mit Partner. Diese kleinen Unwegsamkeiten sind Dinge die wir, so glaube ich, in uns tragen. Der eine resistenter als der andere und doch sind wir alle irgendwie anfaellig dafuer.

    Besonders jedoch wenn es um das Teilen von Erlebnissen geht. Wie auch Du habe ich dafuer meine ‘Berichte an die Heimat’ genutzt obgleich keiner der Berichte das Moment der aufflackernden Einsamkeit eindaemmen konnte.

    Auf der Kurzstrecke hilft Schokolade enorm. ;o)

    Wuensche Dir weiterhin gute Reise und tolle Erlebnisse!

    Ich schliesse mich Juergen an, die Nummer mit der Chilli wuerde ich mir nochmal gut ueberlegen!

    Dicken Gruss & Kuss
    Astrid

    • winnfried
      02/11/2016 at 17:55 · Reply

      Meine lieb Astrid :) stimmt die Schokolade hatte ich vergessen lol . Ich glaub man muss es so hinnehmen und durchleben , gehört halt auch dazu !
      Was die Chilli angeht … die challenge steht – da gibt es keinen Rückzieher!
      Liebe Grüsse und danke für deine Zeilen Winnie

  7. Elaine
    03/11/2016 at 02:28 · Reply

    I have felt this way many times. Whenever I see lovers walking the streets of Venice, the new bride getting married in Paris, or the young couple kissing or holding hands during dinner. I get this feeling of ¨why am I here having dinner alone?¨ As much as we are living our lives following our own rules, we are still living in between the world that we knew and was expected of us vs. the one that we have. It is the struggle between expectations vs. reality. The moment we realize that we are living a wonderful like and accept all of its challenges, that loneliness disappears. We are human….there are bound to be days of sadness and loneliness.

    • winnfried
      03/11/2016 at 05:11 · Reply

      Hey Elaine :) you are right, I totally agree .. there can’t be only happy days… but the sad or lonely ones are harder to get by though and thats normal too … I still need to learn how to channel it better and not to let it affect me too much!xo

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